March 25th, 2017 - I'm going to message him today

Dear Diary,

Actually, wait....no.  Scratch that.  Should I address these "letters" to him instead?

Let's try it.

Dear Patrick,

I had work experience today, so I thought it would be a good idea to try not checking Messenger again today.  Of course, you didn't know that, so if you try to message me....I'll have an excuse....



Although...you might think that I'm still in Victoria.....

Anyways....work experience was pretty great today.  I did lots of stuffs!  Time passed by...fairly quickly....got lost of time to think about us....

I had a long mental debate....and decided I couldn't take it anymore.  I'm going to message you first.  I know I said that I would wait for you to message me first this time...but what if you never do?

Guess I have to be the one again, don't I?  I've wanted to bring this up...but you might just think that I got the idea from that night you told me that you were always the first one to say 'I love you'.  I don't want you to think that so I'll just keep quiet, I guess.

Anyways....tonight.  Once my little petty challenge is over, at 12 AM, I'm going to send you a message.  What should I say?

"At least tell me when this break will be over?"

But...if I say that, you might see attitude and think I'm still an ungrateful girl.  Or you might say that you don't know...which won't help at all.  Or you might say it could be over now...and we would be no farther than where we started.

How about....

"If you don't deal with this soon, I'm going to fail school."

Okay, so...yes...that is a bit of a threat...but it's true!  Because I keep thinking about what you've said, I can't focus on my work, believe me, I've tried.  I do work for a little bit, but then I start thinking about you again and then I start to curl into a ball on the floor and get teary.  I don't think you'd have anything comforting to say about that, either.

*sigh*

I'm waiting for the moment when I check my phone....and see a message notification from you.  I'll be such a happy girl.

***

OHMYGOSH.  You finally messaged me!  Took you long enough.  8 PM, really?  Couldn't you have done it sooner?

Um, YEAH, you made a big mistake by leaving me....I really wish I had the oomph to actually give you what you deserve though...at least a few days of either silence and ignoring you...or a few days of sharp, laconic replies.  I want to make him hurt as much as he hurt me....

Oh, gosh, I sound like a horrible person....

And then you ask me how I am?  How I've been doing?  How was my trip TO VICTORIA?!  DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW ANGRY AND INCREDULOUS I WAS?!

HOW AM I DOING?!

Well, mister, I was in hell the past few days.  You put me there.  I cried so much.  My hair was a mess....I think I might have sunk into depression.  I didn't want to get out of bed and do things....although...that could have been laziness....no...doubt it.  Depression.

So....yes...there's a bunch of stuff I've been wanting to tell you....I want to forgive you so badly, forget everything that you did to me....I wish I could...but I also don't want to.  I want to stay mad.  Stay angry.  Remain stubborn and reply with short answers.  I want him to work for my forgiveness. WORK.

There's also so much I want to confront you about...the post, for one....I really thought you would reply after that.  It was the ultimate test...to see if you still cared for me or not...if you knew what kind of state I was in and still didn't reply...then....we would have a problem.

***
Update: apparently he only just read it today.  Figures.
***

Anyways....we've finally back together....I KNEW YO U WOULD COME BACK TO ME!

Took you long enough though....

So....we're taking this slow, you say?

Well, I've already refrained from saying 'I love you'

I also want to try to be less excited...restrict my use of exclamation marks.

I don't want to forget what happened....but I also want to move on.  How am I supposed to do that?!  I really hope that this time...if we're actually going to build a stronger relationship...we'll actually DO that, and it'll work.  No more getting upset and running away from me.  Got it?

Okay, I think that's all for today.
Thank you so much for messaging me today...BEFORE I messaged you.  I really did miss you a lot...and I couldn't stand not talking to you...especially the way we left off.

Love,
Your forever adoring Lizzy