May 23rd, 2016 - He's Mad
Dear Diary,
The day of the interview was today...is today.
Remember all that fuss about him going/not going to prom? Well...today was the interview...to see if the principal liked him enough to allow him to go. I knew he would have no problems with this...he's such a great speaker...person. Everything went well.
The vice-principal who was supposed to interview him was busy in a meeting, so the female vice-principal interviewed him instead. I was kinda hoping for the other guy, I'm sure he would have been a lot more fun...maybe he would even threaten him a little. Oh wells.
Th girl VP also happened to be Patrick's principal from UHill? That was...interesting, I guess....and there was this part when the VP commented on how quiet I was being...and if I was always like this. Ha. I definitely am not. But when the VP looked at Patrick, he said I was. Okay then. The VP looked at me, and apparently I was red in the face....she pointed that out...and I guess she thought I was lying?
Anyways....all that was pretty uneventful. What WAS eventful though....was everything BEFORE the interview.
So....starting yesterday....I already wasn't feeling very...happy....so...today....I wasn't feeling very happy...and....I thought that meeting him today again would make it better. I really really did.
But when he got here, and I rushed down to greet him...he wasn't there. I waited by my locker for a bit....he finally shows up behind me....just as I read his messages telling me that something bad had happened....
Instantly, I suspected that he didn't tell his mother, and he had to go home right away. Thankfully it wasn't that. But he still had to go home...a lot sooner than he was planning on. He told me last night that he could stay until 4:15. But now...he had to leave at 3:45.
3:45 was the time I booked the interview for him. So....we went to the office and I asked the secretary if we could do the interview sooner because something came up and he had to go soon. The secretary said that the male VP was in a meeting, and gave me a sheet of paper to write him a message to reschedule the interview.
I took it and sat down with Patrick.
He was....mad. So....very, very mad. It was scary. He even swore! He said the F-word. Thankfully he wasn't mad at me....because that would be terrifying....all that anger....directed at me. But still....I was scared....I couldn't help but feel that he was mad at me........
Apparently, his mom wanted to go home so that they could go to his graduation thing together?
*sigh*
But...even though he wasn't mad at me....he was still...kinda intimidating. I wasn't sure what to do...I felt the urge to rest my head on his shoulder or something...but I was afraid. So I lifted my backpack onto my lap and hugged that instead. I really wanted to cry....I really wanted to tell him to forget it. All this....trouble....just for one little prom he doesn't even want to go to....I wanted to tell him to leave....I'd have dealt with the VP. I'm sure his graduation is much more important than my silly dance.
My, my....things have...never been so...awkwardly silent between us. So much...tension? We just sat there...silently. I heard him bang his head on the wall behind him...and I also had the urge to tell him to stop because it must hurt....I didn't.
He nudged me a few times...touched my foot with his foot....but when I glanced at him...he didn't say anything....so I didn't, either.
At many points..I checked my phone....at one point....I sent him a message because I was too afraid to talk to him. I told him I was sorry for giving him so much trouble. He didn't say anything, but I think I saw him look at his watch? At another point, I opened messenger and showed him some of the funny pictures my sister found.
We waited and waited. The male VP told me the other day that he was free starting 3:30...and not to keep him waiting. He kept ME waiting!
I was so worried the male VP wouldn't come out on time....and he would have to leave....
Time was moving....fast....too fast. It was 3:36, and still, he didn't show up....but at last, the female VP came...and she conducted our interview instead.
When the interview was finished, I walked him back outside...to his car...where we hugged....
Man, I've been imagining that moment all day. The time when I could finally see him again....I wanted to hold him and never let him go....I wanted to cry into his shirt so he knew how much I would miss him when he left for Waterloo. But we didn't have enough time....I didn't want him to be late. That would be terribly selfish of me.
So I let go. Watched him get into car...and drive away.
Oh, forgot to mention, before he got into his car, he asked if I was going to cry....ha!
I've been mentally crying in my head all day. During my literature test (which I still haven't told him about yet), during math....during English. Gosh, these teachers need to give me more work...I want to drown my sorrows in mountainous piles of homework. But...every time I thought enough about it to start crying...I would stop myself....I can't cry in class! That would be embarrassing.
But...there must be something wrong with me....I WANT to feel this agony....I WANT to cry....I WANT to express my sorrow....ugh.
Anyways....that was the shortest, and most terriblist meeting...ever.
After he left, I just wanted to go home, lock myself up in my room and cry. But...I had to stay here....because my brother had swimming at 6....FORTUNATELY, mom decided to drive us home first instead since we had two more hours! Yay...
Finally home...and my mom wants me to eat.
*sigh*
As if I'm not fat enough. Maybe that's why he left me!
I ate...locked myself in my room...started typing up some of this post....then...when the rest of my family went out to take my brother swimming, I went out and worked on Clair de Lune...the song that Patrick told me he really liked....way back when we first started talking. I've made it a goal of mine to learn it...memorise all six pages of it, and play it for him.
But....when I started playing it.....I started crying.
Because you see, not only is it a beautiful song...it now has feelings attached to it. Clair de Lune is HIS song...the song I wanted to play FOR HIM....the song that I.....I.....
*sigh*
Now he won't even be here to hear it.
I think I'm sinking into depression again.....can I just...wallow here? I don't want to leave my sad world....what's the point, anyway? Unless he's here....I don't want to be happy anymore....him being here is the only thing I need....but he's leaving....leaving me......
I don't want to be happy.
I don't want to smile.
I don't want to laugh.
I want to be miserable.
The day of the interview was today...is today.
Remember all that fuss about him going/not going to prom? Well...today was the interview...to see if the principal liked him enough to allow him to go. I knew he would have no problems with this...he's such a great speaker...person. Everything went well.
The vice-principal who was supposed to interview him was busy in a meeting, so the female vice-principal interviewed him instead. I was kinda hoping for the other guy, I'm sure he would have been a lot more fun...maybe he would even threaten him a little. Oh wells.
Th girl VP also happened to be Patrick's principal from UHill? That was...interesting, I guess....and there was this part when the VP commented on how quiet I was being...and if I was always like this. Ha. I definitely am not. But when the VP looked at Patrick, he said I was. Okay then. The VP looked at me, and apparently I was red in the face....she pointed that out...and I guess she thought I was lying?
Anyways....all that was pretty uneventful. What WAS eventful though....was everything BEFORE the interview.
So....starting yesterday....I already wasn't feeling very...happy....so...today....I wasn't feeling very happy...and....I thought that meeting him today again would make it better. I really really did.
But when he got here, and I rushed down to greet him...he wasn't there. I waited by my locker for a bit....he finally shows up behind me....just as I read his messages telling me that something bad had happened....
Instantly, I suspected that he didn't tell his mother, and he had to go home right away. Thankfully it wasn't that. But he still had to go home...a lot sooner than he was planning on. He told me last night that he could stay until 4:15. But now...he had to leave at 3:45.
3:45 was the time I booked the interview for him. So....we went to the office and I asked the secretary if we could do the interview sooner because something came up and he had to go soon. The secretary said that the male VP was in a meeting, and gave me a sheet of paper to write him a message to reschedule the interview.
I took it and sat down with Patrick.
He was....mad. So....very, very mad. It was scary. He even swore! He said the F-word. Thankfully he wasn't mad at me....because that would be terrifying....all that anger....directed at me. But still....I was scared....I couldn't help but feel that he was mad at me........
Apparently, his mom wanted to go home so that they could go to his graduation thing together?
*sigh*
But...even though he wasn't mad at me....he was still...kinda intimidating. I wasn't sure what to do...I felt the urge to rest my head on his shoulder or something...but I was afraid. So I lifted my backpack onto my lap and hugged that instead. I really wanted to cry....I really wanted to tell him to forget it. All this....trouble....just for one little prom he doesn't even want to go to....I wanted to tell him to leave....I'd have dealt with the VP. I'm sure his graduation is much more important than my silly dance.
My, my....things have...never been so...awkwardly silent between us. So much...tension? We just sat there...silently. I heard him bang his head on the wall behind him...and I also had the urge to tell him to stop because it must hurt....I didn't.
He nudged me a few times...touched my foot with his foot....but when I glanced at him...he didn't say anything....so I didn't, either.
At many points..I checked my phone....at one point....I sent him a message because I was too afraid to talk to him. I told him I was sorry for giving him so much trouble. He didn't say anything, but I think I saw him look at his watch? At another point, I opened messenger and showed him some of the funny pictures my sister found.
We waited and waited. The male VP told me the other day that he was free starting 3:30...and not to keep him waiting. He kept ME waiting!
I was so worried the male VP wouldn't come out on time....and he would have to leave....
Time was moving....fast....too fast. It was 3:36, and still, he didn't show up....but at last, the female VP came...and she conducted our interview instead.
When the interview was finished, I walked him back outside...to his car...where we hugged....
Man, I've been imagining that moment all day. The time when I could finally see him again....I wanted to hold him and never let him go....I wanted to cry into his shirt so he knew how much I would miss him when he left for Waterloo. But we didn't have enough time....I didn't want him to be late. That would be terribly selfish of me.
So I let go. Watched him get into car...and drive away.
Oh, forgot to mention, before he got into his car, he asked if I was going to cry....ha!
I've been mentally crying in my head all day. During my literature test (which I still haven't told him about yet), during math....during English. Gosh, these teachers need to give me more work...I want to drown my sorrows in mountainous piles of homework. But...every time I thought enough about it to start crying...I would stop myself....I can't cry in class! That would be embarrassing.
But...there must be something wrong with me....I WANT to feel this agony....I WANT to cry....I WANT to express my sorrow....ugh.
Anyways....that was the shortest, and most terriblist meeting...ever.
After he left, I just wanted to go home, lock myself up in my room and cry. But...I had to stay here....because my brother had swimming at 6....FORTUNATELY, mom decided to drive us home first instead since we had two more hours! Yay...
Finally home...and my mom wants me to eat.
*sigh*
As if I'm not fat enough. Maybe that's why he left me!
I ate...locked myself in my room...started typing up some of this post....then...when the rest of my family went out to take my brother swimming, I went out and worked on Clair de Lune...the song that Patrick told me he really liked....way back when we first started talking. I've made it a goal of mine to learn it...memorise all six pages of it, and play it for him.
But....when I started playing it.....I started crying.
Because you see, not only is it a beautiful song...it now has feelings attached to it. Clair de Lune is HIS song...the song I wanted to play FOR HIM....the song that I.....I.....
*sigh*
Now he won't even be here to hear it.
I think I'm sinking into depression again.....can I just...wallow here? I don't want to leave my sad world....what's the point, anyway? Unless he's here....I don't want to be happy anymore....him being here is the only thing I need....but he's leaving....leaving me......
I don't want to be happy.
I don't want to smile.
I don't want to laugh.
I want to be miserable.
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Thanks for the comment, PATRICK!